Help…my son has bad seperation anxiety?
ByMy son is 12 months and his seperation anxiety is really bad. He won’t even be ok with dad it’s
all mommy or he screams his head off til i come back? Any ideas
on how to help the situation? I know it won’t go away but I do need a break sometimes I’m losing my mind. I use to go to the gym for an hour and have some me time but now after 10 minutes
of being in the kids club they call me back to come get him. Could it be getting worse cuz we r weening him off his bottle? Any advice or suggestions r appreciated!!! Thanks
Babies actually go through multiple sessions of Separation Anxiety. Twelve months and then again @ 18 months also, they go through it @ 28 months again. AND then when they start school they go through it again.
Think about it.. you are mom.. the source of warmth, love, food and comfort. Children at this age do not understand that if you are going away that you are not going away forever! They DO NOT understand object permanence does not mean gone forever. It is a something that they will not develop for awhile. So when your little one is screaming cause you are gone.. it is because he is afraid you are not coming back. He is not being bad, or mean or not loving dad.. but mommy just walked away and she may be gone forever!!! Panic Panic screams the 12 month old brain.
But, it will not last forever. Do not try to sneak out, let him know and see that you are leaving, but let him know you are coming back. He may not understand it now.. but it will help him to adjust. Dad should not too it badly either, he just needs to be supportive and loving when you leave. His son needs to see that dad is not upset or panicking too.
HE is going to get over this. Then it will start over sometime later. They go through these phases. I know it can be frustrating.. but when you start to feel this way, feel proud knowing that he feels that you are the only one that can make it right… that his whole world is you!! Someday too soon, it will be over..and you will pine for the cries that made you come rushing back and he come snugly in to your arms.
Hang in there… give him kisses… hugs and patience. YOU are mommy and only you will do.. imagine how sad it would be not too relish that unconditional love so freely given. Hang in there… you can’t rush him out of it, you can only hang on for the ride.
From http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/separation_anxiety.html#
How Separation Anxiety Develops
Babies adapt pretty well to other caregivers. Parents probably feel more anxiety about being separated than infants do! As long as their needs are being met, most babies younger than 6 months adjust easily to other people.
Sometime between 4-7 months, babies develop a sense of object permanence and begin to learn that things and people exist even when they’re out of sight. This is when babies start playing the "dropsy" game — dropping things over the side of the high chair and expecting an adult to retrieve it (which, once retrieved, get dropped again!).
The same thing occurs with a parent. Babies realize that there’s only mom or dad, and when they can’t see you, that means you’ve gone away. And most don’t yet yet understand the concept of time so do not know if or when you’ll come back.
Whether you’re in the kitchen, in the next bedroom, or at the office, it’s all the same to your baby. You’ve disappeared, and your child will do whatever he or she can to prevent this from happening.
Between 8 months old 1 year old, kids grow into more independent toddlers, yet they are even more uncertain about being separated from a parent. This is when separation anxiety develops, and a child may become agitated and upset when parent tries to leave.
Whether you need to go into the next room for just a few seconds, leave your child with a sitter for the evening, or drop off your child at day care, your little might now react by crying, clinging to you, and resisting attention from others.
The timing of separation anxiety can vary widely from child to child. Some kids may go through it later, between 18 months and 2½ years of age. Some may never experience it. And for others, certain life stresses can trigger feelings of anxiety about being separated from a parent: a new child care situation or caregiver, a new sibling, moving to a new place, or tension at home.
How long does separation anxiety last? It varies, depending on the child and how a parent responds. In some cases, depending on a child’s temperament, separation anxiety can last from infancy through the elementary school years. In cases where the separation anxiety interferes with an older child’s normal activities, it can indicate a deeper anxiety disorder. If separation anxiety appears out of the blue in an older child, there might be another problem, like bullying or abuse.
Separation anxiety is different from the normal feelings older kids have when they don’t want a parent to leave. In those cases, the distress can usually be overcome if a child is distracted enough, and won’t re-emerge until the parent returns and the child remembers that the parent left.
2 Comments
April 30th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
i think most babies do that at some point especially if he’s always only with you. he needs to be comfortable with who he’s left with and distracted while you are away. make sure he has all his favorite toys when he’s left with someone else and that they are interacting with him to keep him occupied. sometimes just sitting outside with them and letting them crawl or run around in the grass is enough to make them forget. only put water in the bottles, and everything else in the sippy cups. and then when he’s comfortable with actually using the cup, totally cut him off the bottle. he’ll want one and ask for a bottle for a little bit, but you have to toss them out or you’ll feel bad and wont make the transition.
References :
April 30th, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Babies actually go through multiple sessions of Separation Anxiety. Twelve months and then again @ 18 months also, they go through it @ 28 months again. AND then when they start school they go through it again.
Think about it.. you are mom.. the source of warmth, love, food and comfort. Children at this age do not understand that if you are going away that you are not going away forever! They DO NOT understand object permanence does not mean gone forever. It is a something that they will not develop for awhile. So when your little one is screaming cause you are gone.. it is because he is afraid you are not coming back. He is not being bad, or mean or not loving dad.. but mommy just walked away and she may be gone forever!!! Panic Panic screams the 12 month old brain.
But, it will not last forever. Do not try to sneak out, let him know and see that you are leaving, but let him know you are coming back. He may not understand it now.. but it will help him to adjust. Dad should not too it badly either, he just needs to be supportive and loving when you leave. His son needs to see that dad is not upset or panicking too.
HE is going to get over this. Then it will start over sometime later. They go through these phases. I know it can be frustrating.. but when you start to feel this way, feel proud knowing that he feels that you are the only one that can make it right… that his whole world is you!! Someday too soon, it will be over..and you will pine for the cries that made you come rushing back and he come snugly in to your arms.
Hang in there… give him kisses… hugs and patience. YOU are mommy and only you will do.. imagine how sad it would be not too relish that unconditional love so freely given. Hang in there… you can’t rush him out of it, you can only hang on for the ride.
From http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/separation_anxiety.html#
How Separation Anxiety Develops
Babies adapt pretty well to other caregivers. Parents probably feel more anxiety about being separated than infants do! As long as their needs are being met, most babies younger than 6 months adjust easily to other people.
Sometime between 4-7 months, babies develop a sense of object permanence and begin to learn that things and people exist even when they’re out of sight. This is when babies start playing the "dropsy" game — dropping things over the side of the high chair and expecting an adult to retrieve it (which, once retrieved, get dropped again!).
The same thing occurs with a parent. Babies realize that there’s only mom or dad, and when they can’t see you, that means you’ve gone away. And most don’t yet yet understand the concept of time so do not know if or when you’ll come back.
Whether you’re in the kitchen, in the next bedroom, or at the office, it’s all the same to your baby. You’ve disappeared, and your child will do whatever he or she can to prevent this from happening.
Between 8 months old 1 year old, kids grow into more independent toddlers, yet they are even more uncertain about being separated from a parent. This is when separation anxiety develops, and a child may become agitated and upset when parent tries to leave.
Whether you need to go into the next room for just a few seconds, leave your child with a sitter for the evening, or drop off your child at day care, your little might now react by crying, clinging to you, and resisting attention from others.
The timing of separation anxiety can vary widely from child to child. Some kids may go through it later, between 18 months and 2½ years of age. Some may never experience it. And for others, certain life stresses can trigger feelings of anxiety about being separated from a parent: a new child care situation or caregiver, a new sibling, moving to a new place, or tension at home.
How long does separation anxiety last? It varies, depending on the child and how a parent responds. In some cases, depending on a child’s temperament, separation anxiety can last from infancy through the elementary school years. In cases where the separation anxiety interferes with an older child’s normal activities, it can indicate a deeper anxiety disorder. If separation anxiety appears out of the blue in an older child, there might be another problem, like bullying or abuse.
Separation anxiety is different from the normal feelings older kids have when they don’t want a parent to leave. In those cases, the distress can usually be overcome if a child is distracted enough, and won’t re-emerge until the parent returns and the child remembers that the parent left.
References :
Mom of three from 2-15 years.
Early Childhood Educator Background.