I’m going thru a really hard time right now…I did my EKG yesterday, it wasn’t normal…Said something about ‘borderline’…I took out blood today so I’m waiting for the results…On January 1, 2010, I ended up in the ER around 3am…I had shortness of breath…The doctor saw me and took xrays…He said i had a little bit of bronchitis, and my chest was a little inflated. He put me on anti-inflammatory pills and prescribed me a inhalator. But he said it was mostly just anxiety.

I just turned 27 in January. I had never smoked anything, but around September i decided to try Marijuana. I smoked almost everyday to relax myself. But one day in December, I noticed i had my first panic attack. I was high at the time. I gruesome seen in ‘Kill Bill’ triggered it. I had to stop watching the movie, my heart started racing, i started thinking crazy thoughts. Ever since then, i stopped smoking. Been sober ever since.

But really, i think the root of everything is my relationship with my ex. He had been locked up for 2.5 years. I waited for him all that time. Stayed home, didn’t go out, was a perfect woman for him, so he wont go crazy in there. We ended up getting married in 2008. I have a tattoo of his name on my back, his initials on my wrist, and the day we got married on my wedding finger. Everything was beautiful the entire we were together. I ended up selling my furniture because we needed money. He didn’t let me work cause he ‘needed’ to talk to me all the time. I sold my clothes that no longer fit me. And finally i ended up selling my car for his lawyer. He was released in May of last year. We would fight all the time cause obviously there was no $. About a month later, he said he needed space so he ended moving to his moms house. I got pregnant but he said he didn’t want it, so you know what that meant. Then 1 month & a half after he had moved out, I found out he had gotten with his childhood friend. The same girl that had left him when he first got locked up. She ended up leaving him, getting with another guy and having a baby with him. She has 2 kids with 2 different men. He used to hate her. Mind you, Ive known him since 2001, we used 2 talk back in the day. I didn’t just meet him…

I cried every single day. I couldn’t sleep without taking a xanax. I lost so much weight. They’re still together till this day. I ended up getting back with one of my X’s. He’s awesome. But i still feel confused. I get anxiety attacks all the time. I’m always depressed. I started working but the company ended up closing down. So now I have no job again. I feel like time is running out. I don’t know what to do. I have nothing left. No car, nothing. Thank God for my boyfriend that lends me his car whenever I need it. Ive been to a million interviews but for some reason I’m not getting the job.

My heart is scaring me. It beats super fast, I lose my breath. I’m just scared. I’m always thinking nasty thoughts. I just wanna be how I used to be.

I hate my X for everything he’s done to me. I don’t even have $ to get a divorce. I hate everything about it. want nothing to do with him. My mom works at a clinic so Ive started the laser for the name on my back…

Please, any advise would so be greatly appreciated.

I need HELP ASAP

Thank you so much <3
Thanx Bud!!!

I stopped using the xanax. I didnt wanna get addicted so I stopped taking them. Now what I do 2 fall asleep is listen to ‘nature sounds’ on my ipod. Sounds corny but let me tell you it helps a lot. I know i’m so much better, than that…But thats what baffles me..why?! why did he do that 2 me?! who cares now anyways…obviously he didnt realize it…

im just scared of the whole heart problem im having…

thank you 4 all ur help!

Between the anxiety and the Marijuana it set you up for just how you felt. The Marijuana can cause your heart to race. When you added the movie "Kill Bill" it put you over top.
That you did so much and showed so much love for your guy showed that you have a kind and loving heart. You are a much better person than you think. I believe you are the better without him. He appears to be a real looser. You have another boyfriend so you must have something going for you.
As far as getting a job, it is one tough job market out there right now, so don’t think it is all your fault because you cannot get work. Just present yourself as good as you can and keep trying. I once needed a job and interviewed for a company (very large company) where my father had worked for many years. I did not want his help to get a job. I checked back with them every couple of weeks for 9 months (while working another low paying job) and .. nothing. Then my dad says "Let me see what I can do". A week later I was hired. So unfortunately it is all too often who you know. If you have contacts, such as your mom, boyfriend, friend or acquaintance maybe they can help. Yes you made mistakes, but hindsight is always 100%. Remember the past only to learn from it. Live in the present. For now forget your ex and the divorce. Work on what you have now. You are on good terms with your mom and you have a new boyfriend. Two steps in the right direction. Keep on stepping. Best of luck to you.

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